Still sick ):

hmm. my flu is getting worse uh. aiyoh see la, when I'm well, i want to get sick, and when I'm sick, i can’t stand it. my throat is giving me problem too. i don’t know how to explain, it’s not a sore throat but somehow it’s hurts. hopefully I'll get well by tomorrow.

I HATE IT!

hmm. ailin and i met up with mum after she’s done with her job. our main intention is to but a cake for dad to celebrate his belated birthday. went to hougang point, none of the cakes seems to match with what dad likes so we went all the way to avenue 8 to but from some random confectionaries. finally found one after walking one whole big round, and i paid for it (uhm, i don’t know why i offered to in the first place but oh well…)

reached home, waited for time to break fast. settled the table and all, put the cake and everything, and know what? he just stood there, pretend as if nothing happened. i was like wth la. never even say thank you. shit sia. he’s just too ego, i hate it.

and that’s not all, the whole world know he’s not well but all he does all day is to sleep, play computer, slack and doing nothing. please la, he’s just pampering his own body. imagine, he doesn’t even bother to put his empty cup or plate at the kitchen. he’s just being lazy! aargh! can’t stand it la.

anyway, i fell sick (like finally.) down with flu and a little dizzy. and quite a number of people say that my eye bags are quite bad )=

p.s. fida is really looking forward to watching The Proposal with besties on Friday (=

omg. i don’t know. don’t ask me. i’m going crazy la. i just don’t understand myself. i really hate it. what am i going to do? what am i supposed to say? aaargh! how?

Follow my conscience

yeah. guess that’s what I'll have to do. i don’t know why but sometimes some things just made me kept holding back. maybe i should just step out from my comfort zone. talking or typing might be easy but the undergoing process is the difficult part.

Fucked up friday

paper was like shit. hopefully many people will fail so that they will do moderations, if not i guess I'll have to retake the module again.

went home no one was there. called mum, she said they just left to go hougang mall. reached there, everyone was having their haircut so i have to wait outside. while i was waiting, suddenly i felt the urge to cut my hair, not to cut actually but to trim only so that there’ll be no more split ends.

so when it was my turn, i told the person that i wanna trim my hair. the initial length of my hair was about half of my body length right, waah, she happily cut my hair until like about shoulder length? there goes my effort. my hair will take super long time to grow la. sian.

Tried so hard but things just never work out the way i want

I'm selfish, I'm self cantered, I'm not sincere and everything else. I'm always not meeting your expectations. is it because, I'm just not ready or am i always misinterpreting things? i just don’t know. assume things just won’t work out. i don't want to say any further, I'm really sorry

seriously, you are the first person who made me cry so much. i hope things will go well after this.

Day 6 – Day of discharge(:

i was woken up by the vibration of my phone. received a message from dad. he said he can be discharged today and he’s waiting for the doctor to process the documents.

woke up, tell mum, wash up and head to the hospital. when we reached there, dad was already sitting on the chair there waiting, ready to go. he’s funny seh. waited for the necessary documents. went down with mum to collect dad's medicine. they said the waiting time is 15 minutes so we went to 7-eleven to grab something to eat since we did not eat before we left home.

our number was 1696. when we got back 10 minutes later, the last number was 1697. mum thought we missed the number but i told her that the number might not be called in order. so we waited and waited, for another 10 to 15 minutes. THEY STILL DIDN’T CALL OUR NUMBER YET! maybe we missed our number i thought. then they suddenly called this person “Suhaiman Bin Sujak”. i thought they called dad’s name wrongly so mum went to the front. it was actually another patient’s name! lol. what’s more the person is in the same ward as dad. haha! shortly after that, our number was called. one plastic bag full of medicine sia. i didn’t know i’ll be that much.

when we went up, dad was already in home clothes, and had cleared his bed cupboard. did last packing, threw any unwanted stuffs like flower decorations on the hampers and all, then walked out.

my mum being as courteous as ever, waved goodbye to the nurses there telling them that we’re going off. then there was this nurse, looked at us with a blur face and asked us “where are you going? you discharged already meh?” haha. dumb sia.

ate lunch, cabbed back home, gave dad his medicine then went to sleep. tired seh.

Day 4 & 5 – As usual

visited ayah again. the registration thingy is really killing me. damn troublesome la, all because of the stupid H1N1. anyway, people came to visit, had to go up and down several times to pass stickers and all.

oh well, ayah is getting better. i just find his hair irritating la. its long and he still doesn’t want to cut it away. haha.

Day 3 – The transfer

mum left home earlier to settle the admin matters before we can get dad transferred to the normal ward. i was still lazing around at home coz i thought i wanna leave with younger sis after bro had gone for tuition when mum called me to go there as fast as possible to help her with the admin stuffs. i was like wth?

anyway, finally dad got transferred to the normal ward at around 6 plus. it’s obvious that dad is getting better. he was able to joke as usual and wasn’t as grumpy (dad can get really grumpy when he falls sick).

there this nurse at dad’s current ward. she’s an Indian and erm… really black. dad told us, when the nurse was checking for his bp, he was like looking at her hand and his hand, comparing. dad thought he was black enough, but the nurse was so much blacker! lol. oh and the man whose bed was beside dad was really irritating. he gets angry over the slightest thing. you should be there to know it yourself. but he’s fine with us anyway so should be okay la.

I'm really glad that dad’s getting better. hopefully he’ll get discharged before his birthday. and if he continues not to smoke today, it’ll be his 5th day of nicotine free(:

Day 2 - The conflict

had no school but i went to the hospital quite late coz me and younger sis intended to wait for older sis. in the end she didn’t go also. waste our time only.

anyway, i was glad that we didn’t reach there earlier. i don’t know what to say but something really unexpected happened when we weren’t there. one was being too emotional, sensitive and paranoid while the other was too relaxed. now i’m in a dilemma. i don’t know whether i should be on whose side although i’ve listened to both sides of the story. the situation is really getting more tensed and difficult. i just don’t know what to do.

oh, anyway i could continue coz i really need to rush to the hospital now to settle dad’s wad transfer. he seems to be getting better and i really really hope that he will stop smoking this time, not just empty promises like the previous times.

Day 1 - Day of admittance

had FM test in the morning. this time round, i wasn’t confident that i will do well. haiz, my fault for not revising earlier. but something was just bothering me.

went to pizza hut at bukit timah plaza after that to celebrate Dinah’s birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DINAH! i tell you, the service there was really bad la. DON’T GO THERE. you’ll just ended up getting pissed. went to Cathay to lepak after that. received a call from mum saying that dad was admitted in ICU. i knew that would happen.

so here my story goes…

Sunday, 090809

that night, dad complained that he was having chest pains, difficulty in breathing and his left hand feels really weak. he vomited several times too. i began to suspect that dad was having a mild “heart attack”. he asked us to call the ambulance. told mum, she said its not necessary. i got confused with the situation.

finally called for the ambulance around 2 plus. everything was packed and we were ready to go. they came within 5 minutes which was really fast. paramedics came, checked dad’s blood pressure, AND SAID EVERYTHING WAS OKAY! WTF! dad wouldn’t be in that condition if EVERYTHING WAS FINE RIGHT?! FUCK THE PARAMEDICS LA! then he still added on that he suspected that there is a blockage at the pipe to the heart. DON’T YOU CONSIDER THAT SERIOUS ENOUGH?

so he crapped and stuff, said he don’t recommend to send dad to the hospital coz it will cost so much more. GOD DAMMIT! ISN’T A BLOCKAGE SERIOUS ENOUGH?! i just don’t understand why he doesn’t want to bring dad to the damn hospital. so they just left without any sick human.

Monday, 100809

dad was still in pain but since it was a public holiday, we can’t send him to the polyclinic for check up. poor him. i don;t think he ate much, “no appetite”, he said. he lying down the whole time, tossing and turning but just can’t get to sleep, still.

Tuesday, 110809

so today, received a call from mum, dad was referred to hospital from the policlinic. dad’s condition was really bad i think. she said she was at TTSH and dad just finished his operation. i was very angry at that time la. dad wouldn’t have to undergo an op if it wasn’t serious right? really, FUCK THAT DAMN PARAMEDICS!

i left for the hospital short after that. just nice he was already admitted in an ICU ward. i got lost in the hospital for a while coz i don’t know where to register at first, but i found my way not long after. need to wear a mask, which was really irritating.

reached the ward, mum was talking to the nurse who was supposed to be monitoring dad. the doctor then came to check. he said that one out of three of the pipe connecting to the heart was 99% blocked. the other two was blocked too, but still fine. really i felt like sue-ing the paramedics that came the other time. hmph!

stayed around till 9 plus. while i was there, i did a good deed(: i helped to inform dad’s workplace about his absence from work. dad was rather uncomfortable with his lying down position. he wants to toss and turn but he was not allowed to move his right leg. but that old man still doesn’t want to listen.

the last thing dad said to me before we left just now was “fida, jaga adik tau”. really heartening you know.

to think over it, dad got a heart attack at a pretty young age. he was not even 45. i don’t know, somehow i just cried there thinking about this thing. hopefully he really stop smoking or at least cut down on the number of sticks he took per day and recover really soon.

I JUST CAN’T FOCUS!!!

and my mum keep forcing me to eat although I'm not hungry

HAPPY 0908!!

today is Singapore’s birthday and coincidentally 0908’s birthday too! haha.

went to Funan yesterday to get a laptop. i know i can’t buy a netbook coz I'm blind and the size will just make me more blind so i decided to just get a laptop. stayed up the whole night just to get things right. shall sleep soon for a while before i started revising for FM later

just a sneak peek, this is what happened to my previous lappy.

last but not least, went to HS for national day parade on friday. PEEKTURES!

okay, shall sleep now(:

how fast time flies...

some people are complaining that their blogger formatting icons are gone. really ah? oh well, mine is still here so i shan't bother (oops!).

browse through the photo that classmates had tagged on facebook recently. some are really very funny, i laughed to myself like some mad person. here are some of the pics that was taken during the last tutorials of each module:

2DO1 with Philip after DLE presentation

2DO1 with Ms Sue after poster presentation

2DO1 with Belinda during the last party tutorial

woah. time flies so fast. i didn't realise that this semester is coming to an end soon. maybe we're just too busy to think about that. so now 3 more hurdles to go through before i am free for hols. oh but i still got another 7 days to spend on diploma plus before i can really have my break. oh well, shan't complain much.

p.s. I'm thinking of joining the hms camp during the hols. anyone else wanna go (:

sent in term paper to safeassign already. not gonna think about it anymore. i got a feeling that i won't do well for this 40%. aiyah. anyway, i got money to buy lappy already!!! yay! should i get netbook or notebook? what brand should i buy. i just wanna buy it as soon as possible la. such a torture to in in a situation without a laptop. at least i don't have to depend on that person just to use laptop. the false hope really disappointed me alot.

lastly, i had another weird dream yesterday. dreamt of someone. lol. shall only tell what i dreamt about to the person that was in my dream if i have a chance. haha.